Mystery Child

I thought I was pregnant this week. I wasn't celebrating, I don't want to be pregnant. I'm 43 years old and have two kids already. Two's enough for me, thank you. My uterus is closed for business.

Kevin's train doesn't usually unload it's cargo in the tunnel, if you know what I mean. Well, it did a few weeks ago, and I was worried. My period seemed to be on it's way, I was getting zits and cramps, and then it mysteriously stopped. "Hmmmmm.......that usually doesn't happen," I thought.

"Oh god, I cannot be pregnant."

Kevin was bugging me, "Did you get your period yet?" he asked me a few times a day. His constant pestering was annoying me, I was trying not to think about it, and I was sure the stress could throw my period off.

What if I really was pregnant? What would I do? I looked at my three-and-a-half year old daughter Esther playing happily with her ten-year-old brother Trevor. After a rough few years, they are both finally at a good place in their lives. Esther is loving school, making friends, becoming more independent. Trevor is in fifth grade and about to start middle school in the fall. He is feeling confident and happy now. This would be a terrible time for us to have a new baby thrust into the equation.

Kevin and I are people who can't handle a lot on our plates. Three kids would put us over the edge.

Besides, I don't want a baby, my husband doesn't want a baby. Nooooo baby.

Okay, so what if I was pregnant? I guess I would have to terminate. But I do not want to put my body through that. Well, I wouldn't have a choice. I'm sure I'm probably not pregnant, I told myself. Okay, maybe not SOOO sure....I counted my period cycles for the last six months. I had one 34 day cycle. This month had been 30 days so far. I usually get my period after about 25 days, but could I possibly be having one of those long cycles?

I fell asleep last night thinking about what my life would be like with three children. My dreams were a surreal montage including this mystery child that would probably never exist.

I woke up this morning with cramps, and I knew that my dream would never be a reality. I was so relieved.